A Whisper in My Heart. How A Becoming Divorce came to life.
A Becoming Divorce has been a whisper in my heart for years. I’ve litigated countless divorces the past 13 years and witnessed the devastating aftermath for children and both parties. The brutalizing process of a “take-no-prisoners,” fear-based approach won cases, but left deep wounds on both sides and was particularly harmful to children. There had to be a better way. A way to dissolve a marriage without destroying a family.
Over the years, I dreamed about creating a refuge for those going through divorce. A place that would not only address the legal and financial issues that must be resolved in any divorce, but also care for the whole person – mind, body, spirit – an environment that would create the space necessary for clients to make the best and healthiest decisions for themselves and especially their children. Instead of making decisions from a place of panic, they would make decisions from a place of power.
After going through my own divorce, I know first-hand that anytime we navigate a difficult season in our life, the community we have is essential to getting through it. So as part of my vision for A Becoming Divorce, I would also put together a prestigious community of experts to help my clients address every facet of the process. From legal to financial planning, mental/emotional health to fitness and even spiritual. Any concern, question, or need while going through this foreign process would be met to assuage all fears and provide clarity and self-care.
Research shows how you handle divorce will affect your children into adulthood. They will continue to live in the shadow of this process, emotionally injured, unless you make the choice to rise above. Divorce doesn’t hurt children. It’s the high conflict inherent in the traditional divorce model that is so damaging. The more conflict they are exposed to, the more trauma inflicted.
Dr. Edith Eger, Holocaust survivor, renowned psychologist and celebrated author observed that it takes two to fight and one to stop it.
I have observed this play out time and time again. When clients have the space to respect the complexity of their evolving relationship, they are able to accept that the unraveling will take a certain amount of restraint and compromise to maintain peace and minimize conflict. This doesn’t mean ignoring, condoning or even forgiving the hurts of the past, but finding freedom in what you can control – yourself and your response.
I encourage my clients to shift their focus from what was to what will be so they can make strategic decisions and design the life they want. Yes, their marriage is ending, but this process can be the springboard for a more beautiful life.
Courts were built for people who never have to face one another again. But they were not designed to and never will provide the “emotional justice” many are seeking when they walk through those doors and hand their life over to a stranger in a black robe. It is critical for parents to think long term about how their approach to the divorce process will affect their children in the years to come.
A Becoming Divorce is a holistic approach that addresses your fears to deliver the healthiest experience for you and your children. A process that allows you to reorganize, restructure and redefine your family on your terms. A process that aligns with your core values, promotes healing and minimizes trauma.