Staying in the Headlights
How to reclaim your power & reduce anxiety during divorce
Guest Contributor: Mollie Gee
Divorce can feel like driving down a dark, scary and lonely road. Emotions can range anywhere from sweet relief to paralyzing fear. I have had the honor and privilege of walking with many courageous women before, during and after their divorces. During our time together we often talk about their overwhelming fears and worry about the future. It’s a lot. And It makes sense. They’ve been traveling down a long road that has left them feeling disconnected, unsettled and exhausted. I’ve found that remembering, “return to the headlights,” empowers and enables women journeying through divorce to find the connection, ease and joy they want and deserve.
In order to return to the headlights, it’s important to first recognize our fears. Oftentimes our anxiety about the dark (unknown) road ahead takes us to the worst-case scenarios. Our thoughts start to spin and before we know it, we feel out of control, overwhelmed and worried. Naturally, we slam on the brakes. One way to prevent this sudden stop is to acknowledge when we’re focusing on the dark. When we:
· Hear continuous “what-if’s”
· Spin in questions and doubt
· Focus on worst case scenarios
· Feel unsettled, scared and chaotic
our fear has grabbed the wheel, either paralyzing us or driving us straight into the dark, blinding us from all the amazing possibilities that might lie ahead. If we can remember that scary and wonderful possibilities both exist in the dark, then we can more easily embrace our fears and return to the headlights. We can start to focus on what’s right in front of us. Here’s how:
· Feel: Acknowledge and feel every feeling
· Validate Feelings: It makes sense I am feeling this way
· Seek Truth: What I know to be true is _____
· Focus on the Present: I am choosing to focus on what is right in front of me
When we are in our headlights, we can hear truth. We can give ourselves permission to acknowledge and validate our feelings without judgement. We can feel calmer, more grounded, and patient, ready to face what comes next in the divorce process.
Does it sometimes take every ounce of courage to stay in the headlights? Yes. Will our thoughts still go into the dark and terrifying places? Yes. When we continuously check-in, acknowledge when we’re in the dark, and embrace it (it’s okay to be scared), we can return and stay in our headlights. Staying in our headlights means we say to ourselves:
· I have control of how I think, feel and behave
· I will cross that bridge when I get there
· I can trust myself to handle whatever comes next
· It is okay to be scared and have hope
When we hear these statements, we can see more clearly and obtain exactly what we want and need. We can trust ourselves here. It is where I’ve seen so many women begin to feel empowered and regain their control. Before they know it, their once dark and scary road starts to feel a little lighter and their lives begin to have the connection, ease and joy they’ve wanted for so long.
Here’s to you. May you find strength during your divorce to embrace the dark, awareness to return to the light, and courage to see the wonderful possibilities waiting on your road ahead.
Mollie understands the profound impact mental health has on physical health and wholeness and works with Claire’s clients to help them find the best in counseling support.
Her practice – The Nest Counseling is grounded in the knowledge that:
- We all have a safe place inside that counseling can help cultivate.
- Your first nest, your family of origin—has a profound impact on your life.
- Many of you are responsible for nurturing loved ones as a parent or caregiver, and need support to create a nest for others.
Claire Samuels Law, PLLC works with you to resolve your legal issues while also providing the resources and experts you need to facilitate the healthiest process for you and your family.