Is Divorce Your #1 New Year’s Resolution?
These are the 4 things to consider for a peaceful and healthy divorce.
For many of us, the New Year means a fresh start. Whether it’s improving eating habits, changing jobs or moving to a new place – we seem to have more courage and energy to eliminate the situations or activities that made us stagnant or downright miserable.
If divorce is at the top of your list, it is important to organize yourself and your team so that you can use this process as a catalyst for healing transformation.
Here are 4 ways to reduce the stress and emotional toll of your divorce and turn it into a positive step in your life.
1. Find a therapist and/or divorce coach.
Including a divorce coach or therapist on your team will not only make your divorce process easier and healthier, they will also keep legal costs to a minimum. Your lawyer is an expert in managing the legal side of your case. If you rely on your divorce attorney for emotional support, or to chat through every issue that comes up, the fees will quickly add up.
So, what is the difference between a therapist and a divorce coach?
A therapist will help you examine your past and the events that led to your decision to end your marriage. Perspective and understanding your triggers are valuable to keep you from repeating past mistakes and processing hurt and trauma. Improving communication skills and the way you manage emotions are also valuable tools that will serve you well during your divorce process.
A divorce coach helps define the vision for your future – post divorce, and create goals and strategies for your new “best” life. Focusing on the future not only fuels excitement, but it will also help you understand exactly what you and your family will need to thrive. Your divorce coach can be an excellent sounding board and help you get clear about what you want. When you are clear on what you want, your lawyer is in a better position to get you there.
I put together a team of experts to help guide my clients through their divorce. You can learn more about my curated community here. There are also helpful and inspiring resources like this post from renowned therapist and community member Mollie Gee in my blog.
2. Establish your support network.
Asking for help can be difficult. But the isolation many people feel when they are going through a divorce is one of the leading stressors. The support of a few trusted friends and/or family members during this time is key. You may find yourself emotionally drained and need a friendly voice…or last minute babysitter for meetings with your divorce attorney or other part of your divorce team.
Leaning on those who love you and letting them know what they can do may feel awkward at first, but ultimately will provide a tremendous release. You will be surprised how much it can lift your spirits when a friend drops off a home-cooked meal. Give others the opportunity to take care of you as you would do the same for them.
3. Ask for referrals for a divorce lawyer.
Selecting a divorce lawyer who reflects your values – the principles you use to guide your life – is critical for the health and well-being of you and your family. Asking those closest to you for recommendations is a great start. They know your heart and can help you find the best fit.
You will want to interview a few candidates to determine the one you trust most to represent your best interests.
Here are my top 6 interview questions:
● How long have you practiced?
● How much of your practice is devoted to family law?
● What is your fee structure?
● What is your philosophy on divorce?
● What are the options for resolving my case?
● How can we approach my case in a way that protects my children?
4. Know your options.
Avoiding the courtroom is the most peaceful approach to your divorce. Know your options and select the path that allows you to make decisions from a place of peace versus fear and anger.
When you pursue litigation, you not only relinquish control of the outcome to a Judge, but costs can easily skyrocket. Mediation keeps the control in your hands and a mediator ensures you both remain focused on what really matters – the health and well-being of your family. Not to mention, costs are kept to a minimum.
Mediation places you in charge of your family’s future. Keep in mind these 5 C’s:
● Cost Containment
Learn more about mediation and how to prepare with this guide.
When you are supported by highly skilled and compassionate professionals, you have the freedom to reorganize, restructure, and redefine your family with dignity and grace. This allows your divorce to be the springboard for a more beautiful life. I call this holistic approach A Becoming Divorce.
As you think about ending your marriage, shift your focus from what was to what will be. This reframing will allow you to make strategic decisions and design the life you want for you and your family in the new year.
If you have questions or would like to schedule a consultation with me, please use this link.